I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
