That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
