I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
