Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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