please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
