Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
