so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
