I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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