you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
