New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
