oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
