This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
