I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
