as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
