Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
