Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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