he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
