you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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