I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
