I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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