I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
