I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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