I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
