I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
