Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
