i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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