Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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