White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
