4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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