i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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