Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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