No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
