Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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