someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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