I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
