saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
