Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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