it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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