I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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