I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
