i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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