But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
