So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
