I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
