i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
