you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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