In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
