my vag is so smooth its legendary
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
