We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Found your dick twin last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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