this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
