Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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