That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
