why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
