tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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