the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
